In a heartfelt blog post, I share a deeply personal journey of watching my father navigate the challenges of cognitive impairment. Years ago, he had watched his own mother take tests at the Memory and Aging Center at the University of California, San Francisco, and now it was his turn. As I watched him struggle with simple tasks like finding keys and clocks in images, I couldn’t help but feel the weight of the situation.
Despite showing clear signs of cognitive decline, my father was in denial. It wasn’t until I discovered missed payments, late payments, and a staggering $150,000 debt on his personal credit cards that I realized the severity of the situation. Credit-card companies kept sending him new cards, and he was drowning in debt without even realizing it. It turns out that crashing credit scores are often an early indicator of dementia, but my dad continued to present himself well and offer plausible explanations for his behavior.
After a series of tests revealed the truth about his cognitive abilities, his doctor finally intervened and delivered a harsh reality: he needed to close his beloved hi-fi audio-video business. For my dad, it was like losing a part of himself, a difficult sacrifice to save his financial well-being.
What made this journey even more challenging was that my father’s stubbornness and intransigence were deeply ingrained parts of his personality. Alzheimer’s seemed like a magnification of his most frustrating traits, making it hard for me to distinguish between his disease and his usual behavior. Moments like his explosive reaction to flight options for my wedding five years ago left me wondering if it was Alzheimer’s or just him being himself.
As I reflect on these memories, I realize that Alzheimer’s is a complex disease that can creep up silently over decades. It manifests in unexpected ways, like my father’s “catastrophic reaction” to overwhelming situations or his struggle to remember his granddaughter’s name. Each moment serves as a painful reminder of the disease’s progression and the challenges we face in caring for our loved ones.
Through it all, I am learning to navigate the difficult terrain of Alzheimer’s care with compassion and understanding. As I witness my father’s journey, I am reminded of the importance of patience, empathy, and resilience in facing the challenges of dementia. And I hold onto the hope that amidst the darkness of Alzheimer’s, there is still room for moments of love, connection, and solace.
